Traumatized.... But... I Love You...

Back from class chalet.. it was fun, enjoyable and traumatizing.. The effect of alcohol is really very scary.. Although i didnt get myself drunk.. But watching the behaviors of the "drunkards" around me, make me swear that I will always control the amount of alcohol I'm consuming.. Who cares if i am called a coward for not daring enough to drink.. I still wanna stay sober..

The traumatizing thing that happened on the 2nd night.. It happened because someone was drunk.. I seriously hoped that he blabber all these rubbish cause he is drunk.. I didnt really took what he say to heart.. Cos I know my heart well enough.. But all those hugging and stuff.. Eww.. I am shivering to the thought of it.. The way he speaks, his tone and everything.. Really scares me off.. I was afraid.. very afraid.. He was too big a size for me to fight back.. And he is drunk.. Who knows what he is gonna do to me.. Frankly speaking.. I was really scared and afraid.. The first instinct that I have.. was to call someone for help.. opened up my contacts.. I was searching for your name..

CM pointed out something when i told them the story in the morning.. You are too small a size to save me.. Or rather.. He is too big sized.. keke.. But who cares? At that moment.. I guess I am too afraid and scared to think logically.. I just want you to save me.. I want you to be by my side.. I want you to be the one to pull him away from me.. My heart was beating very fast throughout the entire process.. Not knowing what he will do next..

And who knows.. The next thing that happened is that he pulled you out for a "confrontation" session? His expression looks as if he is gonna beat you up or who knows if you 2 will argue.. I am worried.. Cos I dont think you are fully awake yet.. And he is drunk.. Worried to the max.. I actually tried to follow out.. but he saw me.. So I made a detour and went back to the room.. But I cant sleep.. I cant rest.. My mind cant process anything.. It just keeps telling me that he pulled you out.. He pulled you out.. I keep on going in and out of the room.. Holding to my phone tightly.. Hoping to receive ur sms or something..

I actually went out frantically looking for you guys.. And then I received your msg to ask me to go back and rest.. How could I rest in this situation? I was worried sick about what is going on.. And the next thing I know.. my eyes are went and tears starts to flow.. and then I saw you guys sitting at Macs.. I know I couldnt go in.. You guys look so serious.. I actually waited outside for a while.. Hoping to catch you guys when you exited.. Then I received your second msg say that it's a mens' talk.. Asking me to go back and rest.. This time round.. i felt reassured.. I calmed down.. And slowly walked back to the room and decided to wait there for you guys to come back..

Perhaps I should thank him for making such a traumatizing issue.. I seriously feel how much you meant to me.. I was worried sick.. I was afraid.. I was scared.. But with you by my side.. I feel more secure.. Head leaning against each other to sleep, hugging each other to sleep, hands interlocked to sleep.. If this issue didnt happen.. I seriously wonder if we will do all these so fast.. It feels really comfortable and secure to be sleeping beside you.. Too bad that I wasnt feeling very well after the entire "war" with the beers.. If not.. I am sure that I will sleep very soundly by your side..

I'm not good with expressing myself.. Words like I love you.. I miss you.. It's seriously hard for me to say all these.. Especially to the people that I am super close with.. Everytime you msg me that you missed me.. There's alot of times that I wanna reply.. I miss you too.. But I cant bring myself to do so.. To me.. These lovey dovey words are too cheesy.. But I will try.. to use them once in a while.. Only for you.. Saranghae <3

p.s. i know it's a mens' talk.. so i didnt ask much about it.. but if there's anything you wanna share.. i'll be there to listen :)